ABOUT ME

I am diagnosed with Bipolar II, Depression, Anxiety, C/PTSD, and suffered multiple traumas with the first at the age of 7 years old. Many of my family members suffer with mental illness. My mother was diagnosed Bipolar, my father suffered from depression as well as my 5 siblings. 

Tragically, two of my siblings ended their life by suicide.  Eight years ago, another one of my siblings went missing and I rushed to find him in the act of attempting to end his life.

I was raised in Southern California in the 70s and still reflect on a slice of time that I felt happy as a child. I am the last born of 6 children 12 years after the youngest sibling which created a dichotomy of having siblings and growing up as an only child. At the age of 7 years old my brother committed suicide and changed the trajectory of my childhood. I believe the death of a child is the hardest to recover from and it wreaks havoc on a family left behind. My childhood was riddled with anxiety, stress, uncertainty, fear, and a lack of guidance due to the unintentional neglect of my grieving parents, who too had traumatic and stressful childhoods. I played sports, learned to dance, and other activities that distracted me from feeling the chaos around me. Due to the emotional neglect, I sought attention through humor from anyone I could hold hostage as an audience and continue to do so to this day. 

I live with the intention of sharing a smile or a laugh with anyone who will let me, especially when I see someone experiencing pain. I have always loved to dance and I use music as inspiration to get me to move. My actions of entertainment create a positive environment making it easier to fight negative energy. Living with a mental illness invites a potential for the negative to take over and never let go.

I choose, to live, every single day. 

The trauma of being sexually assaulted the first time came at the age of 12 years old. I spent my teen years with very low self-esteem, confused, angry, and ready to fight and when I hit the age of 22, I sought mental health assistance because I knew my anger was turning into rage. I pursued an education in Psychology to assist in helping find the roots of my anger and gain an understanding of my dysfunctional family. At the age of 25, I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia and began my treatment journey experiencing multiple therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, medications, and the whimsical life of living with a mental illness. At a young age I realized I had to live with additional challenges, but I believe it gave me the will and drive to live my journey and fight the demons that loom waiting for a tragic ending.

After receiving a diagnosis, I became fully aware a relationship would be a challenge and made the decision to be open about my mental illness with no apology. Choosing this journey is arduous, but I have no regrets for being me. I am me.

The last few years have tested my physical and mental health and I reached a new level of darkness I never want to see again. I have been in the greatest fight of my life, and I won. I am still here. Watching the World around me in chaos I decided to move forward with my journey to inspire. I am a survivor.

I hope to provide a perspective on the complicated life of living with a mental illness and how you can survive it and use it as your strength to thrive. I am a warrior.

My mental illness does not define me, but I own my mental illness so I can shine living with it even though others may see me in a negative space. Owning one’s true self eliminates the need to care about a stigma. A stigma can be damaging, I refuse to let it stop me from living the life I choose.

We have the potential to live a full colorful life and it begins with awareness. With awareness comes strength, with strength comes the courage to live the life you seek. Living with intention, gratitude, and grace provides me with the ability to proudly state with no apology;

I AM Mental Illness, but you can call me Badass.

To hear more about living with a mental illness, join the conversation.